I Had A Dream

Years ago in High School I had a dream where I confronted my former best friend about her boyfriend because I found out that she was doing his homework and giving him head. I couldn't understand why she would stay with him, he was clearly benefiting while she was suffering and sad. But she wouldn't answer me, she just looked down. I wrote it down in one of my journals and I came across it over a year ago and though, "Wow, it sounds like I am talking about myself now." At the time a large part of what I did with my boyfriend was help him/ do for him his school work and satisfy him physically. It was a dull routine, but I was attached to him and we had so many good memories from the past. i wasn't ready to let him go. I thought about this now having broke up with him 1 week ago, it is as if my old self, the one he condemned and called weird is talking to the (then) present me. The unyeilding, uncomprimizing girl I was before would not have put up with that. I acted like a codependent. I'm free now, and I love my freedom. It's funny how things are the opposite for him, he says "life is so hard without you". Even though before he was always saying how I didn't do enough for him, how he spent time on me that he should of used elsewhere, and he how he drove me around and i didnt have a drivers liscence or a car. if he was really doing me such big favors why is he the one in deepare and i am releavied huh? Because he's full of shit. And the sad thing is, he doen't even know it. I wish I didn't waste three and a half years with him. But I AM STRONGER NOW THAT'S FOR SURE! When mr. right comes along I'll be better apt to spot him!!

note : one thing that really pisses me off about him is that he guilt tripped me about driving me to see my mom in the hospital. He made me feel terrible for asking. a really great boyfriend would have pretended to care a little that my mom was in the hospital and the doctor's didn't know what to do with her. It was a scary time but as always he was concerned with the DRIVING like his cheap little car's milage was more important than me and my mother! SO many times I just walked the 3 miles to the hospital. Why couldn't I see that he wasn't right for me? Why did I think I deserved that treatment? I can't even answer these questions myself. I never want to be like that again.